My Inner World

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" - Oliver Goldsmith.

I am trying to apply this one in my quest to "win" my daughter back over. She keeps pushing me away when her Daddy is home. She is SO affectionate when it's her and I. But when Daddy is home, I may as well be the boogie man. But, I will stick with it. If she pushes me away, I will just gently try again later..... Maybe I should stop pinching her.... ya think?

So: the Bible. I went ahead and picked myself up a copy.

Walked in to Hughes and Hughes bookstore, headed over to the religion section but no joy. When I asked one of the people there if they carried the Bible they said “Of course Miss, it’s in the classics section.”
Of Course! What was I thinking, looking for a Bible in the Religion section?
They only had the King James version. Cha! Like I have the brain for that!
Nope, no “Thee’s” and “Thou’s” for me, I figured it was going to be challenging enough as it was so I ended up getting the “Good News Bible” written in plain, understandable English.

Now, I did NOT decide to read the Bible with any intent to “convert” or to “find the Lord”. I am reading it to get an idea of where my in-laws are coming from. I want to see for myself, the source of many of their opinions and viewpoints. Research, if you like.
It’s proving to be quite the task I have set for myself. I have to remind myself to be open-minded when, truth be told, I just want to go “Oh, Puh-lease!” every other page.

My sister in Law came to mind Munchkin when we were out to the movies during the week. We discussed the Bible and I said to her that I didn’t get how God decided that he wasn’t going to let people get any older than 120, but then lets Noah and his offspring get much older than that? She didn’t have an answer on that straight away, but it must have been on her mind. When I came home that evening, and went to read a bit of the Bible before I went to bed, a note fell out. She had taken the time to gather her thoughts on the subject, and write them out for me. I was touched that she did that. And by that, she made the task that little bit easier.

By that action, she brought it home to me, once again, how important the Bible and God are in her and her family’s lives. So, I continue to read, as open-minded and respectful as I can.

I don’t have a “religion” as much as I have a set of beliefs. I look forward to the day that I can discuss this with my MIL in a relaxed manner. Sans finger pointing. (She starts waving her index finger around when she gets excited. I doubt she even realizes that she does it)

A few more pages ‘till Exodus. Almost one down, 126 to go…..

Paddy's mother, Paddy's brother, Paddy and I went to see "The Wind That Shakes the Barley"

The movie is set in 1920's Cork, Ireland, when the English still occupied Ireland. The main character is a doctor, who initially wants nothing to do with the resistance. Then, after seeing one too many acts of savagery from the British on his way out of the country, he changes his mind and joins his brother in the IRA. The Irish Republican Army has a very bad name now, but then, the aim of the movement was very sincere and and, truth be told, needed.

The movie shows the horrible way the British treated the Irish. It makes you sit in your cinema chair with clenched fists, wishing there was a "Black and Tan" who's lights you could punch out!
At the beginning of the movie, there is a wake. The grandmother in the movie is singing in the tradtional Irish way (sean-nós). The auld biddy's voice moved me almost to tears. Her acting in the movie was outstanding all the way through. She looked and acted like she was plucked straight from the 1920's.

The acting in the movie was so natural that you felt almost like you were watching a documentary. They pull you in to their cause, in their want and need for a free Ireland. When the British make a "compromise", one half of the IRA decides to accept. The other decides to stick with it and inch towards total freedom. The brothers end up on opposite sides. The human element of it is striking.
I was told that a lot of the lines in the movie were improvised. To me, this shows the connection the actors have to this subject. They feel it.

Living in Ireland I have found that the subject is still very much alive with the Irish. Paddy’s great great aunt was slapped in the face by the Black and Tans on the street.
Paddy’s father’s girlfriend’s grandmother was a baby in the 1920’s. The Black and Tans burst in to their cottage in the mountains. She was asleep in her bassinet when they put a gun to her head and told her parents that they would shoot her if they didn’t give them the information that they were looking for.
There are stories like this in almost every Irish family. Every Irish person I have ever met, has a strong opinion regarding the British occupation. “The Troubles” are a part of Ireland that has caused more heartache and sorrow than you could possibly believe.

I liked this movie so much because it’s a genuine portrayal of the times. It shows the life of “normal” IRA soldiers in the 1920’s. We all know about the big leaders, about things that happened in Dublin. The men, woman and children that worked towards getting the British out of Ireland came from all layers of society. Seeing their fight portrayed was moving.

If you have any kind of interest in the Irish and their history, this is a must see.

When Caithlyn was about 9 months old, she went through an about 3 week long phase of only wanting me. . No one else would do, just Mamma.
Well, that's well and truly over.....
She is SO much Daddy's girl that she will panic if I try and put her to bed when her Daddy is home. She will stretch out her arms in an attempt to "ward me off". The rejection is blatant and sincere.

I work three days a week, the other two I spend at home with her. We have our little routine going. We do the domestic thing, we pop to the shops, we go the playground if the weather allows. We have cuddles and "hugsies" all the time. She tells me she loves me, she will sneak up from behind me to throw her arms around my neck and squeeze me really tight.

But then Daddy comes home and I am dropped like a bad habit. "Bye Bye Mamma, See ya!"

It's like being doused with a bucket if ice-cold water. Like my little girl has two personalities or something.

I know that it's normal and that it happens in lots of families. I know this because everybody keeps telling me...

But the fact that it's "normal" doesn't make it one little bit less painful though. And for people telling me that it's just a phase, I say 2 Flipping years is a heck of a long time for a "phase".

I really value the times that it's just her and I and we have a great time. And that's what I am going to keep in mind. that we DO have the great days too. It's these few hours in the evening that get to me.

And they do, they really, really get to me.......

Works for Me Wednesday time again! (Check Shannon's site for lots more!)

I love, love, love to read. When Munchkin was a baby, I would read stories to her before putting her down for the night. We went though "Guess how much I love you" more times than I can remember. (I hadn't heard of "Good Night Moon" until I read that Beth read(s) it to her beautiful Mia. At which point I went to Amazon and got one for Munchkin. "The Run Away Bunny" joined the group then too!)
These are all lovely stories, that I think enrich a childhood. For Munchkin, they were not sleep-inducing however!

So Paddy, being the clever clogs he is, came up with something different.
He started making up his own stories, in which he would suggest sleep to her. I thought it was WAY to obvious, and didn't really think it would work, but I am telling you. Nine out of ten times, it does the trick!
We use some of her favorite NickJr characters and/or incorporate something we did that day so she can identify with them.

Paddy's story will begin something like:
One day, the little princess went to the animal farm with her Mamma and her Daddy. They went in to the first stable, and saw the Mamma Sheep in the hay with her baby-sheep. The baby sheep were all nice and cozy and snuggly with their Mamma. They were SO tired and wanted to close their eyes, so they could go to sleep. The Mamma Sheep kissed her babies goodnight and they closed their eyes, cuddled up together, lovely and safe and warm, and went to sleep.
The Little Princess rubbed her eyes, she was getting sleepy too.....

And there will be other stables, with other sleepy animals. And the Little Princess gets more and more sleepy as they go though the different stables.
At the end of the story, the princess closes her eyes, and falls asleep in her own, snuggly, safe, warm and cozy bed.

My story involves Dora and Boots and the Little Girl going for a walk. They meet Isa, who is very tired and wants to close her eyes, and go to sleep, but her Pillow and her Blankie are missing. Dora, Boots and the Little Girl go looking for it.
Map tells them that they have to go across Pillow Pond, over the Troll Bridge and to the tippy top of tallest mountain.
They meet Bennie the Bull on the way, who is very tired too, but wanted to tell them how to get across Pillow Pond. (Go to sleep on the banks of the pond and the pillows will carry them to the other side.)
Then they have to sing a lullaby for the troll to be allowed to cross the bridge. The Troll gets all nice and cozy in his cot and closes his eyes and falls fast asleep.

To write the whole stories down would be a bit much, but you get the general idea :)

Bed Time Stories with abundant use of the phrases "Close your eyes" "Very, Very Sleepy" and "Nice and warm, safe, cozy bed" : Works for me!

So, the ex from my 100 things about me.
He was my first true love (love, obsession, potaito - potato) and as such has had an enormous impact on my life.
He was very, very good looking, think Matt Damon only hotter) and had no shortage of female attention.

We started out as friends. As a group, our friends used to meet at this grand-café. There would almost always be someone there.
One night I was the first one to arrive and I sat down at "our" table to read. Then, let's call him "Matt", came in. His moped helmet in his hand. His hair in his eyes. Big grin on his face. I actually made a little gasp - he was very easy on the eyes.
We had met before (the group tended to expand, with friends of friends joining and leaving, this was the early days of the group, really early days) but had never had the chance to properly chat.
Compared to the other girls of the group, I was (am) not exactly a raving beauty and he had not made the best first impression on me when we met. His best mate and him could talk a truckload of the brown stuff when they were together. That first time we met, that was about me. (He apologized profusely for that later).

This night however, it was him and me (the rest never showed), fairy lights in the large windows, candles on the table and nice cold drinks. I can remember everything as vividly as if it was yesterday. We talked and we laughed. I was amazed that he was not just a pretty face. He loved his family, they were very close, they all played blues-music together. He cared about his friends a great deal. He had an excellent sense of humor.
We clicked, I swear, it was almost audible. When he had to leave, he brushed my cheek and gave me a big hug.

From that night on, we spoke every day and saw each other most days. We became best friends. He is the first person I could really say that I knew inside out. And he me. His best (male) friend, him and I were like our own little unit in our group. He would pick me up after work, we'd "hang". Have coffee together. We never ran out of stuff to talk about. We had great laughs together, but also "proper" talks.
Then, after a year or so, we had a drunken smooch. The whole group-relationships were a bit, erm, weird. I had kind of been with his best mate (let's call him "Ben") but that was never anything but some harmless kissing fun.

A few months after that Matt was my first.
I will never regret him being my first. I loved him to pieces and he felt the same. And, also very important, I trusted him completely.

The only thing was that, being a typical guy, he did not want commitment. He didn't want the rest of the group knowing our business so we kept it quiet. Ben became really jealous and feared I was taking his best mate away. It all got very messy. I was petrified of losing him and put up with a lot more sh*t than I should have. We split and came back together three times. It was so hard on Matt too, he genuinely cared about me but with both Ben and I looking for more than he could give.....

After the third "split" we were still friends, then we ended up "being together" one last time.
I have re-played that last night in my head at least a million times since then. Wishing with every fiber of my being that it never happened. The day after, he said he didn't want to see me again. I had lost my best friend in the whole world. Someone I literally loved more than my life.

The first while I was in denial. Then I was just in so much pain, that I had to shut down emotionally. It was like he had died. And my ability to feel, with him.
A few months after that Ben moved in with his new girlfriend. The sacrifices he had expected from Matt, were not ones he was willing to make himself.
Their friendship died and about a year after that, Matt moved in with his new girlfriend too.

Between that, and the relationship with my father being extremely bad and toxic, I decided I had to get the hell out of Dodge. First I moved to one of the Netherlands' Islands. I worked in a restaurant in the off-season. Lots of free time during the day and no other people around? Not a good idea.
So I moved back. Then, after having contemplated and even planned a very, very bad thing. I decided to up sticks, and move to Ireland.

Best Move Of My Life.

It saved my life. There were no reminders of Matt. Nobody that knew me. A fresh start. I was still involved in the motorcycle club and people there still made me feel special. I met new friends, new guys, partied. All in all, it had been almost 3 years and I was only starting to get over it then.
After a year and a half of party-ing I went to a Halloween Party in Wales. We drove over in the car, and we had to pick up someone on the way.
This turned out to be Paddy. He remembered me from an earlier party but I honestly didn't remember him. It lashed rain all the way to the Ferry and it was like going on some kind of adventure! Once there, I had the feeling that Paddy was avoiding me a bit. (Am still not sure why!)
But that was cool with me, I had other plans anyway. But, the other plan did not show up. The bartender did however, so I indulged with my friend Mr. J. Daniels! :)

Paddy turned out to love a lot of the same music I do so we ended up dancing together. We circled each other and, we kissed.
Holy Cow! That man can KISS! That's all that happened that night, we kissed, we hardly acknowledged it the next day and I didn't hear from him for a while after that. Then, while I was walking with some friends through Temple Bar, he called. We exchanged e-mail addresses and that was the start of our friendship. We sent each other e-mails every day. We got to know each other really, really well but didn't actually see each other for a few months. Then another party, another kiss. More e-mails, and text messages, oodles of text messages.
As fast and an intense as the friendship with Matt had started, that's how slow and steady Paddy and I went. Then, we had our first proper date. We had more than just kisses and we have celebrated our anniversary on that date every year since.

But I had some pretty nasty scars on my heart. I was not going to make an emotional investment to the level that I had with Matt again.
Paddy and I became closer, we had great fun together and I loved having that exited feeling in my stomach again. Looking forward to seeing him again. But still, I thought I held back. Then, one night, Paddy pulled me up in bed and said he had to tell me something. He was all cute and nervous. He told me that he loved me. And right then and there, I knew: I felt the same way. I told him so.

I had bought a card a few days before that said "My heart belongs to you" I hadn't given it to him yet though. I thought that because I had not felt the same kind of all consuming fire that I had felt with Matt, I was trying to kid myself. But when I heard Paddy tell me he loved me, it clicked:
Matt and I shared a very special time of our lives, we were extremely close and I will always love him to a certain extent. BUT, we were teenagers, with all the intensified emotions that go with that.

Paddy and I were different. I knew then that we were good, we were better than good. We were perfect for each other and we were meant to last. Our love was (is) deeper, it can not be compared to what the teenagers we were felt.
( I am sure that some teenagers find their soulmate when they are 15 and have long and happy lives together. It was just not for us.)
By taking things so slow, we built solid foundations. We moved in together after 9 months. (He hadn't even met my parents yet!). To this day, I still can't believe my luck.
I have a man that I love intensely, that I am planning to spend the rest of my life with, that loves me right back. He is kind, gentle, sexy and extremely level-headed. He can see the good side in everything and everyone (a trait I could do with myself). He is an amazing father, it takes my breath away to see him with our daughter.

And in a way, I have Matt to thank for Paddy. The lessons I learned with him, the pain I felt because of him, they all contributed to me finding Paddy and seeing the great thing I had with him. One of the first "Deep" conversations I had with Paddy concerned Matt and my father!

At the time I didn't see it, but the heartbreak had a reason. It was a necessary step towards finding my true love, the one the Universe meant to match me with. My Paddy.
And I am more grateful than I could ever put in to words.

(Geesh, that's a story and a half. Sorry for the excess sappy-ness, I guess having my own blog brings out the softie in me!)

Let me start by telling you that this subject gets me REALLY worked up.

A few months ago I first caught wind of it. A group of pedeophiles have decided that they need to be acknowledged as valid participants in society.
To facilitate this they have started their own "Political Party".
They feel that the choice of intercourse with an adult should be left to the child. If an 11 year old boy "wants" to sleep with a 45 year old woman, he should be allowed to according to these sick and disturbed people. A 6 year old has "urges" too, that need to be met according to them.
They say that the fact that "these children are denied sexual experiences with adults is detrimental to the children."
They use examples of the Ancient Greeks and current civilizations in Africa in which mothers perform Oral s*x acts on their male children.
One of their party points is that they want the legal age for s*x to be 12. (As if they would stop there, I ended up on their site through link-hopping. The things they say about two year old. Horrible. I clicked away very quickly)

I can't begin to explain how much it disturbs me to read the on-line articles about this group. They call themselves the: "Party of neighborly love, freedom and diversity" The founder has been heard to say in a radio interview that his idea of a perfect society would be villages in which people lend their children to each other for s*x.
He has had to go in to hiding after receiving death threats. His first hiding place was a camping site that he has used for years. The other guests say that he always had groups of boys hanging around his caravan but that they never used to think anything of it. He had to leave the camping site because he was conducting his Political Party business from his caravan and that is against the policies. They told him to leave. (Personnaly I think torching his caravan while he slept would have been a better idea)

Now, a judge has declared that this "Political Party" has a right to exist. Under the motto of "I may not agree with what you are saying but I will defend your right to say it" this judge states that it would be unconstitutional for the Party to be denied existence.
The Hague is a buzz now of different party's trying to find ways of making this Party go away.

I agree, this party should not exist. But what worries me also, is that the people involved in this are suprised at the response their Party has received.
They actually believe they have a valid point. THAT THEY ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! This scares me out of my mind. If I think about it too much, I will scream.
My heart breaks for the children that ended up in the hands of these animals, these savages. "The child is enjoying it" What the Hell??

The Dutch legal system is way to lenient. The punishments for (child)-rape are laughable. They are no detterant. The same goes for many other countries.
I remember a Belgian Case of a young girl being raped and beaten up years ago. The man got something stupid like 2 years and had to report to the jail the following week. The father and the uncles visited the man with a few baseball bats. I remember thinking "Good for them!!"
They were not given any other choice but to take the law in to their own hands. I can't say I wouldn't do the same.

We have had two political assasinations in The Netherlands in the last few years. One was a politician with some pretty strong ideas on Immigration, the other a documentary film maker who exposed some things regarding Muslims in The Netherlands. THESE people they shoot?! And these Pedeophiles, these sick and twisted b*stards get to roam the streets?

Personally, I feel that chemical castration would be a very good idea for the male offenders. For the female ones? I am not sure. Maybe there is some kind of drug that can be given that turns them in to vegetables? The thing there is that they would be burden on society then. I think death is to easy and quick for them but what are the alternatives? Something that suppresses desire. The desire to do anything?
Or maybe just lock them up and let victims of these crimes decide what they want to have done to them?

The one "good" thing, is that there is a members list now. I am sure there are some talented hackers out there that could get this list and distribute this on the Internet. See how safe these animals will feel walking the streets after their "sexual orientation" becomes public knowledge.
(I find the fact that they call it a sexual orientation to ridiculous for words - like it should be seen in the same light as "Straight" "Gay" or "Bi-sexual" Come on!)

The Netherlands is already known too much for their "anything goes" policies. It's going too far now. The fast majority of my fellow country men and woman are dead set against this group though and this gives me hope.

The world just seems to be going crazy. In The Netherlands, where Political Parties like these are allowed to exist.
In Ireland, where a man was released from jail after having laced a 13 year old with drink and drugs and having s*x with her. He was released because he said he did not know she was 13. Apparently you can not jail a man if he did not know at the time that he was breaking the law. (So much for ignorance of the law not being an excuse. And not knowing she was 13? Give me a break!)

Man, this post became a lot less coherent than I meant it to be. When it comes to this subject, I guess I just can't think/write straight with anger......

There is a new Political Party being set up in The Netherlands. I can not describe how much this particluar party disturbs me. There are pedophiles saying that they need to be recognized as citizens. That they have rights that need to be acknowledged. To facilitate this, they are starting a Political Party. The Dutch are in uproar.

I am going to take some time tomorrow and write a proper post about it. I will need to get my head together properly.
Paddy is just back after a weekend with the Lads and I am going to enjoy his company.


'Till tomorrow!

Our first Meme Tag! Overwhelmed has tagged Munchkin for this very cute meme.
Mamma’s gonna do her best!

3 things that scare me:
1. Spiders, once my mamma had a really big one fall on her in the shower and she screamed so loudly it scared the living mess out of me. Now, I run and cry when I see one and wait for my Daddy to make it go away.
2. The shower head. I love, love, loooooove my bath, but when my mamma tries to rinse my hair with the shower I will kick up stink like you wouldn’t believe.
3. Being confined to one place. Once, I went on a plane with my Mamma and I had to stay in my seat with my seatbelt on until the plane was in the sky. I just wanted to sit with mamma. I cried and I said “Please Mamma? PLEASE?!” It broke my Mamma’s heart and made her cry too.

3 people that make me laugh:
1. My Daddy, he sings songs to me with the words all wrong and that makes me belly laugh like someone released a cloud of laughing gas in to the room.
2. My Mamma, she will pretend to eat my face and neck and that tickles me!
3. My cousins, running around and playing with my cousins at my Nannie’s house makes me so happy I practically laugh out loud the whole time!

3 Things I love
1. My Care Bear, she’s pink and she’s tie-dye. And I think she’s called Secret Heart Bear. My Mamma bought her for me and I she’s very special to me.
2. Singing songs with Mamma in the car. Mamma bought two tapes with kids’ songs and I make her play them and sing them with me, over, and over, and over, and over, and over……
3. Going to my Nannie’s house. She minds me for three days a week when my Mamma is in work. I love her so much and race to her door with my little purple case when Daddy brings me over in the mornings.

3 Things I hate:
1. Vegetables. I only like carrots really. My Mamma recently discovered that if she gives me a piece of say Yellow Pepper and calls it carrot: I will try it. It’s no guarantee that I will empty my plate however. I will eat my veggies when they are in a chicken and rice stir fry dish my Mamma makes though!
2. Hearing “No”, parents can be so unreasonable at times! I mean, surely it can’t be THAT big of a deal if I want to splash the entire downstairs toilet washing my hands after I use the potty??
3. Thunderstorms, they scare me so much I try to crawl under my Mamma’s t-shirt. Luckily we don’t get them much!

3 Things I don’t understand
1. Why I don’t get to see Mamma’s Mamma and Daddy as much as I would like. They can’t be that far away because when I go to the airport and on the plane with my Mamma I fall asleep and before you know it Pake and Beppe are there!
2. Why my Daddy has to go to work when I want him to stay with Mamma and me.
3. Why some kids on the playground are so mean. Mamma says I have to stand up for myself I am trying but I just want for everybody to be nice to each other!

3 Things on my nursery floor:
1. My Cot
2. My Chest of Drawers
3. My night stand. – My room is so small, there’s no room for anything else!

3 Things I am doing right now
Well, I am upstairs in my cot, sending my Mamma these messages through the power of the mind. I told my Mamma I would be dreaming about the tooth-fairy and I will do just that when this meme is finished.

3 Things I can do.
1. I can count to 20 in English, And 10 in Spanish and Dutch.
2. I can tell my Mamma when I have to go toilet. I wear big girl pants all day now!
3. I can make my parents melt just by looking at them, wrapping my arms around their necks and saying “I love you”. I can also get hugsies every time I want to just by standing in front of them and saying “Hugsies Please!”

3 Things I can’t do
1. I can’t get my Mamma to speak Dutch to me. I would pick it up so quickly, if she would only just try!
2. I can’t ride my trike. I can ride other kids’, just not mine.
3. I can’t hold the toilet roll when I need a piece of tissue; for some reason my Mamma doesn’t like the whole thing unrolled! Go Figure!

3 Ways to describe to my personality
1. Loving, I am extremely affectionate. I tell and show the people I love that I love them all the time. I give great hugs and kisses!
2. Bubbly, I laugh and run and play. I remind my Mamma of sunshine.
3. Caring. I am very gentle and affectionate with smaller kids. And when someone is crying, I will be the first one over to give hugs and kisses to make them feel better.

3 Things I think you should listen to:
1. The birds in the woods when I go walking with my Nannie.
2. My Mamma and I singing “I’m a little Teapot” and “The grand old duke of York” in the car.
3. My Daddy telling me how much he loves me, how I am his best girl. How he is so blessed to have me. The love in his voice will bring a tear to your eye.

3 Things I think you should never listen to:
1. Mamma and Daddy saying that it’s time to go after a day at Nannie’s house.
2. Mamma and Daddy saying that it’s time to go after the playground.
3. My tantrums when I am upset. They don’t last long and it’s usually because I am very tired.

3 Absolute Favorite Foods:
1. My Mam’s nassi, a dish with rice, chicken, vegetables and herbs and spices. The only dish that makes me lick my bowl!
2. My Mam’s spaghetti, I get it all over my face. The only way to eat it!
3. My Nannie’s Stew.

3 Things I’d like to learn:
1. To speak Dutch.
2. To read for myself. I am having fun pretending I can already though.
3. To ride a bicycle! It looks like LOTS of fun when the neighborhood kids do it!

3 Beverages I drink regularly:
1. Milk
2. Water
3. Actimel, once a day.

3 Shows I watch on occasion:
1. Dora the Explorer
2. The Wiggles
3. Go Diego Go

3 Babies I tag

Mam has to think about this one!

Religion. God. (Non)-belief.
These were the topics of an impromptu discussion I had with my mother in law the other day.
Like you can read in my 100 things about me, my in-laws are Born Again Christians.
I was not raised with any kind of religion. My dad’s best friend is Christian but that’s about as close to it as I have ever gotten. I remember being quiet before dinner, and “Uncle” H. reading to his kids from the bible. I never thought much about it; it was as it was. I never made fun of it, respected (and respect) their belief but was never convinced to “join” as it were.
As far as I can remember, I have always been aware of “guiding forces”.
“Don’t tempt the Gods” is something you will hear me say on quite the regular basis. I am very aware of “something” being out there. But God? The Bible? Although as a kid I liked the stories, I never saw them as anything but that: stories.
My mother in law was born and raised a Catholic. Then, about 30 years ago, she was, as she puts it: saved. She says she was sitting in her kitchen, thinking, and it all became clear to her. She accepted Jesus Christ in to her heart as her Savior and has never looked back. It sounds like an amazing experience. But to be completely honest: I don’t get it.
I am not being disrespectful. I just can’t imagine that kind of blind faith.
Thing here is that Paddy, he believes the same as his Mam. Well, pretty much anyway.
And, when I was pregnant, we had our fair share of discussions on the subject.
As her Daddy, he feels a very strong responsibility for his daughter’s soul.
I want my daughter to be the best person she can be, to be good to herself and to others and to live according to her conscience. In allot of ways, I am more of a Wicca kind of girl (not completely, but allot of it makes perfect sense to me) "An it harm none, do what ye will."

He wants all these things too, only with Jesus in her heart. I have no objections to him teaching her about Jesus. I don’t think it’s harmful. It’s not a crazy sect, no “give us all your money and we will get you a place in Heaven”
My only stipulation, if you will, is that he does it. Not my MIL, not his aunt. Him.
And that’s the plan.
I figured, that since this is going to be such a big part of my, our, life going forward, I’d better read up.
The Internet has proved an invaluable tool in gaining information. The “info” sites seemed a bit impersonal and I was looking for a bit more and so I ended up on Christian Mothers’ blogs. I have found them to be funny (in a good way), caring, loving women, who are very articulate in their descriptions of their families and their faith. But, whilst I AM getting more and more familiar with the general way of thinking, I still don’t subscribe to the faith.

I mentioned something I had read on one of the blogs (Reign of Ellen) to my MIL the other day and we got in to another discussion on the matter. I have told her before that I don’t believe in God but it was like it only sunk in this time. She kind of stopped and looked at me. “Mieneke, one day you will be standing in front of the Lord, and you will HAVE to believe and then it will be too late” She said, looking down at the last part of the sentence.
I told her that I found it hard to believe in a God that didn’t stand up for the defenseless. Why do babies get raped? Young children tortured and killed by their own parents? She says God gave us free will and that it’s the perpetrators’ decisions to do this, not God’s, and that they will pay the ultimate price. But I just can’t get around the fact that, in the meanwhile, these innocents are still made to suffer unspeakable horrors.
If praying helps, if that makes Him intervene, then why does He not intervene for the ones that can't pray? It’s something I don’t see me getting an acceptable answer to any time soon. My MIL got so passionate. It got quite heated. Normally, I will not let myself be spoken to in a certain tone, but with my MIL it’s different. She cares about me and I can really imagine how fired up she must be inside. She believes she is fighting for my soul. That would get me passionate too, if I believed the way she does. I am convinced that she includes me in her prayers, praying that I will come ‘round. So, I let her speak her peace.
I worry for the future, for what my daughter might hear. But I am hopeful that mutual respect will be the tool.
I’ve had Jesus on the brain, she just wishes I had him in my heart.