My Inner World

Back from holidays. Rain-filled holidays.. Leave it to us to go on holidays to a country that had been experiencing a heat wave right up until the day of our arrival, only to turn extremely wet the day after we land!
We ended up spending only two full days on my parents' boat. I don't care how big, when it's bucketing down, a boat is NOT the place to be!
Also, me and my mother in the same confined space for longer than an hour or two is asking for trouble. We seem to be hell-bent on misunderstanding each other. To take each other the wrong way.
When I see her, I see me. How I used to be before I met Paddy. Seeing everything as an attack. Snappy. But deep down, meaning well. Paddy and his family let me see that this is not the way a family should function.
My mam and I are not close. She has once said to be that she did not want us to be too close because she lost her own mother when she was in her twenties and that was incredibly hard for her. She did not want me to go through the same thing. She thought a bit of distance would be a good thing. So, for better or for worse, that is what we got, distance. I tend to be able to talk better with my Dad. He was rarely at home when I was growing up. He was always at work and if he was at home, he would be behind the PC for work. We had a very toxic relationship right up until me leaving for Ireland.
My mom was always the one that worked on maintaining contact between my brother and I, and them. Ironic, that now I feel closer to my Dad than to my mam.
I can see her trying SO hard. Having such a hard time with what that waste of space of a brother of mine has put her (them) through. And I wish I could make her feel better. I wish I felt more for her than I do. I love her, she's my mam. But that doesn't equal being close emotionally.

It was lovely to see my friend again though. I deliberately kept the list of people to see to just one. She is my very best friend and I love her, and her three kids, to pieces. She came to the boat for a day, and she and I went to dinner at Humphrey's and to see a movie (extremely so so, a bit of a no brainer. Kind of like Chinese food for the brain) one evening. Spending time together like friends do, is rather exceptional for us. We thoroughly enjoyed it!
If, When I pass my test at the end of the month, we are driving over to Galway when she comes over! Going to go see these:

And in the evening enjoy some of this:



And this:



Can't wait!


Right, better get back to it in here.....