My Inner World

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The day after our daughter was born he called my mam to demand she tell him where the emergency 100 Euros was that he thought she had stashed in the house. He didn't ask about Munchkin, or how we were, he just yelled so hard I could hear him from my hospital bed. The world revolved around him. He made life hell for my parents and he terrorized them in their own home. Physically my Dad is not a match for him anymore and my Mam was emotionally so worn down that she ended up going to the doctor for anti-depressants and counseling. He intimidated them and got himself in deeper and deeper debt. My Dad hadn't spoken to him in over a year when my mam finally got the nerve to tell A. he had until a certain time to leave. (My mother had stopped my Dad from saying that before). A. got a job on one of the islands as a pizza baker. There, he met a lady with three kids. It would seem they fell in love and they moved to the most southern part of the Netherlands. (My parents live up in the north of the Netherlands.)

He dropped off the radar for a good few months, hiding from the creditors. Then, he had to come back to our town for some reason and he and my mam met in the café on the train station. They established a very fragile contact again. My Dad hasn't spoken to him in years and my mam hasn't even met his new family yet. Then, A. cut off contact again because my mam had the nerve to give his phone number to our grandmother...

Now, his girlfriend is due to give birth to their daughter any day now. I know it's very hard on my Dad. But, for his own sanity, he has had to cut all ties with A. And I don't blame him. A. has gone waaaaaayy to far for there to be any hope of reconciliation. Still though, there's going to be another granddaughter, one that's in the same country as him and he still won't be able to see her.
My mam is taking it very hard too, the idea of being a "Beppe" (Granny) to a child that is relatively close by but still beyond her reach, is cutting her up inside. I will have a niece that I will never see, and even though my brother has yet to send our daughter a birthday card or call at Christmas, or show any kind of interest, I would love to spoil his daughter. To be "fun auntie Mieneke" from Ireland. To establish a relationship.

And so, my brother has got himself another piece of leverage. I hate to be that cynical, but I know that my brother is seeing it that way, at least in part. "They won't get to see my daughter, that 'ell show 'em!" And my heart breaks for my parents. They didn't and don't deserve this.
When we were over there, we had a conversation about it one evening on the boat. My mam says that where we see the manipulating little B*stard, she still sees the boy that was helpless and needed her. She said she saw him once when she was picking him up from school. He was walking down the stairs, alone in a crowd of people and he looked so vulnerable. I can see the image in my mind, and I know that deep down inside him, there IS a center of good. Someone who doesn't want things to be the way they are. The idea makes my heart hurt too. I'm just afraid that he has burnt too many bridges, done one to many mean and nasty thing.

I hope his new family is it for him, that he will find himself on the right path again. That he doesn't pass his twisted ideas on to his (step)-children and that he learns to be a good father. That he will be able to deal with his (step)-kids as they head in to puberty. I hope he turns in to the kind of man I know he can be, and wants to be.

As he starts this new chapter in his life, I wish him peace, love and light. Who knows, maybe the families will find each other again someday.....