My Inner World

Tuesday Morning, I arrived in to work to a find blast from the past in my inbox. An English lady living in The Netherlands, that I used to be friends with, is coming over to Dublin for a week next Sunday. She was a member of the motorcycle club I was involved with. We were very close from when I was about 17 until I was 21. I would go over to her apartment for dinner, we would have loads of fun on Rallies. Spend Birthdays, New Year's Eve, Days at the beach, shopping at IKEA together.
She's about 12 years older than I am, but I was always very mature for my age and it was never a problem. This was the lady that pointed out to me that there were jobs in UPS in Ireland. The lady that organized a surprise party for me at the town bowling alley, I had NO clue! ;-)
She was a good friend.

When I was living here for about three months. She came over to stay with me. Other club members were in the country, too. She didn't want to go and see them, I did. And I was nasty to her. I don't remember exactly what happened. But I do remember getting very annoyed with her. I thought she was being very childish for some reason and I snapped at her. This startled her as I had never done that to her before. The situation became very awkward as she was staying with me in my house. Later, I met her at a rally in Germany, and it became obvious that some real damage had been done to the friendship at that was the last time I spoke to her. Almost 5.5 years ago. Thinking back on it, I regret the course our friendship took, all those years ago. Whereas I believe a friendship should be able to handle a few knocks, I do admit that I could have been a lot more diplomatic. I definitely should have handled things differently.

I have tried to send the occasional e-mail, but they were not well received, or so I thought. The e-mail this morning said when she would be here and asking if we could meet up.

I am delighted at this and treasure the idea of being able to apologize in person.

This week is shaping up pretty well!

Well, after two hours of pre-test lessons this AM, I still managed to fail my driving test.

BY ONE STUPID POINT!!!!

I made mistakes that I never, ever make in my daily driving.... It was like I was having an out of body experience. I was hearing and seeing everything a fraction of a second later than I normally would.
I saw the stop-sign, I mentally made the note to stop at the stop-sign and...... I drove straight through....

You are allowed 8 X's and I had 9.

I knew I had failed, 5 minutes in to the test. When, at the end, he told me to go back in to the test centre so he could tell me my results, I really wanted to say: "Don't bother, I know."

Could'nt wait to get back to my car. Only in Ireland can you fail your driving test, and then still drive home...

The drive home went as smooth as silk, go figure.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go sit on the sofa and sulk. At least until tomorrow morning, when I will re-apply! Gonna give it welly the next time!

I am Dutch. Not the hottest country in the world, is Holland. Also, I moved to Ireland. IRELAND, that too: not the hottest country in the world. I could have moved anywhere in the world. But I didn't choose Spain, or Australia, or somewhere else sun-ridden like that. I chose Ireland. And what do I get? Friggin' roastin' summer days! ;-)
Today Munckin' and I went to the supermarket really early, by the time we got back in to the car it was like a furnace. Munckin and I stayd indoors until about 14:30 hours, where it was nice and cool. Then, we went to get an ice-pop and hit the beach! (Tip, let your kids finish their ice-pops when they are not on the beach yet. Sandy Ice-pops will never be a favourite.)
I'm, eerrrmm, voloptuous, and it's just not comfortable being this big, and this hot. If I wanted heat, I would have moved to flaming Arizona or something.
Roll on Autumn, roll on.

PS: Watching Munckin play in the sand WAS nice though. Silver lining and all that!

After my friend had treated me to a movie and a visit to Eddie Rockets, we bid each other a fond "See you tomorrow" and went our separate ways.
I could have gone straight home, but continuing on the "Mamma-Time" Theme, I decided to drive to the harbor.
I parked on a hill, turned off the engine and just sat there. The sun was low in the sky, the water was sparkling; with the occasional seal's head bopping up and down in it. People walking their dogs, throwing sticks for them to retrieve. Loved up couples sitting on the benches, all curled up in to each other. Seagulls hovering on the wind above. It was beautiful. After a few minutes, I pulled my book out of my backpack (I always have a book on me, Yes, even when I am going to the cinema, you never know when you may get a few minutes to yourself) and just sat there for an hour. Reading and enjoying.
My spirit needed it, and needs it. Such a small thing, made such a difference to me.
I will have to do this again, for me. I am looking forward to it.....

This afternoon Mamma is going to have some time off! My friend is taking me to lunch and a movie.
Pirates of the Caribean is looking good. And he, I can think of worse ways to spend an afternoon than with Johnny and Orlando! ;-)
I do not spend enough time doing things just. for. me. That is not a complaint by the way, it's just an observation.
Since Munchkin was born, Paddy and I have had four dates. All nighters, I mean, with the Munchkin staying at her Nanny's house. Munchkin was born in December 2003.
Paddy goes fishing, that's his "me" time. I read, but that doesn't really get you out of the house, does it?
I joined Curves for a while, but when Paddy had to work late for a project in work and we didn't know how long that would last for, it was better to cancel the membership and save a few bob.
(We have allocated part of the money that that freed up to a broad-band connection, way, waaaaaaay overdue.)

Munchkin was a bit out of sorts after our trip to the Netherlands. She had been going to the toilet but about halfway through the vacation, the whole toilet experience became traumatic. There were tears, there was blood in her nappy and she just got unbelievably cranky. Don't blame her though, if you would not have been able to make a "deposit" for over three days, YOU would get rather cranky yourself, I bet.

But being the only person that could be there for her was very tough! Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits and would do it for years if needed but the added flavour was that she didn't want me. She wanted her Daddy. The whole situation was rather draining and that's when I said, I was going to have to take some time for myself.
For some reason, I had it in my head that in order for me to be a good mother, I had to dedicate myself solely to being a mother. But lately I have come to realize (with a little help from Dr. Phil..... my guilty pleassure) that in order to be a good mother to my daughter, I have to be good to me.
Munchkin is not helped by a mom who's battery is close to exhausted. And if we want to have more children, I'd better learn to get the balance right!

Right, I'm off.

Ahoy Mateys!